Welcome to the Episode 1 of our new series on “Teenage & Teenagers”.
Teenagers (children from 11 years of age to 19 years of age ) can be a handful. They are growing up yet they are not really grown ups & this sensational crossing over ages can be difficult to cope with, for the kid as well as their parents.
If you are a parent of a teenager, you probably are aware of the truck load of changes they are going through – physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. It also means, as a parent(s), your relationship with your child has to evolve to keep up with their lives.
Grab this chance to help them grow emotionally and mentally so they grow up with better understanding of themselves, their problems, their bodies, you and the world around them.
So, we decided to give you some tips, 5 Things you can & should do to help your teenage children cope better with puberty :
1. Have a conversation with them about puberty.
This can be such a cliché & this can go wrong in so many ways. Movies and Series have taught us how badly the so-called conversation with teenagers can go!
But there is nothing like a proper, well meant and accepting talk. As Indians we tend to never have one – your grandparents never had one with your parents, your parents most likely didn't have one with you & your siblings.
How do you feel about being a pioneer?
Read about puberty & teenage – keep an open mind – over a meal or coffee- sit you child down and have a casual discussion over how they are coming of age and that changes are a part of this new stage.
Be kind with your words.
Be accepting of their understanding and world view.
Be open-minded.
Be supportive & let them know you are there right beside them, if they ever need.
2. Teach your Daughter or Son about their bodily changes
This may sound difficult & impossible but it’s one taboo that you must break. Your child is about to enter a new phase in their life, without any guidance! Help them
Learning the basic anatomy of human body on the internet and explaining them what are the pubertal changes, & how their body is likely to change can help them be prepared for what’s coming.
For example, teaching your princess about basic menstrual health, periods, and why it happens – will help her be prepared for her menarche (1st period).
Teaching your son, about secondary sexual changes like growing moustache or how to shave, wet dreams or voice changes during early teenage years – will save him from years of awkwardness and under-confidence.
Being open about the human body & the practical imperfections will also help decrease body dysmorphia (A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance) & Under-confidence with their body image. Pointing out the flaws in their bodies is really not the best way to help them.
3. Teach them about money & finances
Ever since we were in our teens, my cousins & I have always been taught how important saving money is and how one day it will save us!
Am sure most of the Indian parents are pros when it comes to saving money. But there is more to the story-taxes, investments, scams etc, to be a successful member of the society, your child needs to be financially wise.
What we don’t see often in India?
Teaching both daughters and sons about financial independence (being able to support yourself in terms of money) soon & how to invest/importance of future planning.
Be open about your financial choices and tell them about the mistakes you have made - so they don’t.
Be accepting of their ideas & explain them why they should/shouldn’t take a step.
Encourage them to read or learn more about finance basics and banking basics.
Buy them motivating and self improvement books to encourage financial understanding.
4. Treat them as per their age.
This one is tricky! How much is too much of control & what if I fail to control the kids?!
The only tip that works is – Treat them their age.
For example, when the child is just 13years old, he/she is barely a teenager – Monitor them like they should be, keep a track of their school work and extra curricular activities, have a fair idea of their friends and classmates & where they are going outside the house. However, let them have a little privacy – don’t read their personal journal, respect alone times, don’t force them to watch just cartoon shows and deny teenage shows, etc.
Another example : If your child is 18-19 years old. Monitoring them like a 13year old is only going to aid them to revolt and be a rebel without a cause. Instead nagging them or forcing them at 18 or 19, teach them values and rights/wrongs early on. Believe us the things you're trying to force on your child, if they understand why, then they'll learn all of that themselves, and would thank you for it.
5. Encourage & be supportive.
This makes a world of difference. We have come across many who literally detest their parents early or later in life because they feel their parents have been unhelpful or unkind.
The bond you have with your child is beyond just academics, prizes, gifts & big events in life – it’s an everyday thing!
Be encouraging in whatever they want to do, unless it’s borderline harmful – let them try & learn, even if they fail.
I have a friend whose father encouraged him to take part in a robot making competition, he not only didn't mind him skipping a fee classes to take part in a contest but also helped him get sponsored in whichever way he could. My friend fondly remembers that and will always see his father as someone who supports him in his own adventures.
Be supportive of things they want to try or who they are as a person.
Be kind if they make mistakes. Scold? Yes. Teach them the right from the wrong? Yes. Absolutely!
Punish them to make them realize how big or small the mistake was? Probably yes, depending on the deed. But penalize them hard that breaks their morale and scare them enough so they hide everything from you? What do you think??
Here are 5 ways in which you can help your child of teenage grow and develop into a bright young adult in years to come. Happy parenting!
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